29 April 2005

Pansies and Tigers and Precipitation ...

Oh my! Some titles are better than others; that one isn't.
So there I was, all cozy, thinking this sunburn from last week is itchy, that I'd hang the bedding out on the line today and maybe see about getting some pansies for the pots on the front steps 'cuz the begonias just didn't work well last year, wondering what the hell I did to my template to make my comments window act so funny in Safari, thinking about ordering Tiger, which got me wondering what's going to happen with Tiger, the fierce jungle kitten, thinking about phoning the lawn guy, and wondering if it was warmer than yesterday 'cuz I'd like to open the windows up again ... they were closed for only the one day, but already I miss having them open ...
I'm working on a new plan. It's snowing and blowing.

I think I'll phone the lawn guy anyway. It's not like he'll be busy today.

I have a couple more hippies to hear back from and my crew list is done ... of course I don't believe it'll stay done for any length of time at all.

Nina didn't make it over on Wednesday. The mama's angry with her. Again. She's very rarely on MSN, lately, and since she lost her cell phone, if I want to talk to her, I have to phone the house and the mama will see the number and may or may not get cranky and take it out on Nina. Bleh. Of course, she could phone me, too. What is it with phones, lately? Barbara doesn't have one, except Miles' cell phone and he's quite often not where she is. Nina's lost hers. And I seem to have a new feature on mine that randomly tells people phoning from cell phones they have to state their name before I'll take the call.

I ripped the too-small neck of the second sweater and started it over last night. The first one turned out cute ... I hope the second works as well, but with less unknitting involved.

Blessings ...

I've had the quietest week ever, this week, with lots of time to myself and lots of time to think, and I'm pleased to say I don't feel I'm the worse for it. Too much time alone to think was one of the biggest problems with that job ... an hour and a half to two hours each way on the bus, trapped inside my head. Inside my head has been a very bad neighbourhood (Vince's expression ... he do have a way with words!) for a few months ... I'm so very happy to be able to walk around in there again. Going on two weeks without crying every day ... I still have moments, plenty of them, but it's not constant anymore. For this, I have Brandon to thank. Yes, yes, I know ... it's my head and my heart and my grief and I'm the one driving this bus ... but what I needed was to stop thinking, just for a while, to break the circles ... the trouble was that I didn't know that's what I needed. That makes it sound so simple. It's freaking hard work to get me to stop thinking ... frankly, I didn't know it was possible at all. So thank you Brandon for taking over and making me stop thinking for a little while, and helping me reclaim myself, for being so careful and caring about it, for knowing how ... and while I'm at it, for trust and listening and not disappearing and letting me cry on you and coming over to play tie-dye and taking me at my word about phoning in the middle of the night and making me laugh and a hundred other things. I'm very grateful that you popped back into my life when you did. Your timing is impeccable. Thanks to you ... and Mona and Mary and Patty and Vince and Shadow and Nina and all the kids in my life, as well ... I do believe I'm going to be okay, eventually. Blessings, all of you.

Stuff and Nonsense ...

Length of day: 14:55
Hours of dark: 7:45ish
Sunrise: 6:04 am
Sunset: 9:00pm
Start of twilight: 5:24 am
End of twilight: 9:40 pm

Current weather: Overcast, light snow. -3°C (27°F), -11°C (12°F) with windchill, humidity 73%, wind NW 38.4 km/h (24 mph.), barometer 30.17 in. Hg.

Today.. Periods of snow. Amount 2 cm. (not quite 1"). Wind NW 30 km/h (18.6 mph). High -1°C (30.2°F).
Tonight.. Cloudy with 60% chance of flurries. Wind N 20 km/h (12.4 mph) becoming light this evening. Low -7°C (19°F).
Saturday.. Cloudy. 60% chance of flurries in the morning and early afternoon. High 4°C (39°F).
Sunday.. Sunny. Low -9°C (16°F). High 5°C (41°F).
Monday.. Sunny. Low -7°C (19°F). High 9°C (48°F).
Tuesday.. Sunny. Low -4°C (25°F). High 15°C (59°F).
Normals for the period.. Low 1°C (34°F). High 15°C (59°F).

27 April 2005

I'm not broken ...

I have it on good authority that I'm not broken, just sprained. I still have my moments when I wonder, but I was very grateful to discover this. Not by being told ... the telling was confirmation of what I'd already discovered (that makes me sound like a great explorer or scientist ... okie, I had help) ... welcome confirmation, granted.

When I fed the beasts on Saturday morning, I just about took a header down the stairs, tripping over some rather large shoes in the back hall. When I looked around, I found the matching pair of smaller ones. Nina came upstairs a few minutes later. It was great to see her (and this is really trippy 'cuz I remember writing about this before, but it's not in here .. hmm). We had a great yack. Turns out she's lost her cell phone. The plan is she'll come over tomorrow and phone Patty from here. Speaking of Patty, I had a great (if too short, as always) visit with her and Jaime and the kids and her folx and her Grandma on Friday. Barbara, Anailese, Chelsea, Bernie and I went out to Leduc to see them. Patty phoned here at about 11:00 a.m. ... Barbara doesn't have a phone yet, so I jumped into some clothes and walked over to her place ... then it took four hours to track Chelsea down, get everything set with everyone and get out the door. GNYAAAH!

Patty is the person in my life I can talk to about absolutely anything without feeling awkward (there are others if I disregard the last bit). I struggle with the feeling awkward part. Constantly. About a lot of things I have a way-over-developed sense of propriety. There are things I would like to be able to say ... not even to anyone in particular ... just to say them ... without feeling awkward about it ... bleh, I'm rambling ... the to do list looks like this:

Being Present

23 April 2005

Bruised hair ...

I got way too much sun yesterday. As a result, last night I had an extremely vivid and detailed dream.

All my life I've had poker-straight hair (that shoulda been my first clue that I was dreaming, but it seemed so reasonable at the time) and I finally got a great haircut ... no matter what I did to it, it fell back into place all by itself every time. A side effect of this haircut was the colour. Under fluorescent lighting it was hot pink and under incandescent lighting it was glowey lime green. The really cool part was how it looked in sunlight, though ... it matched whatever colour my bruises were that day ... robin's egg blue, dark blue, violet, dark purple, black, brown, green, yellow, beige ... mm hmm, one flexible haircut. I was actually startled when I looked in the mirror and saw the usual mess of not-bruise-colour.

20 April 2005

I Believe ...

Today, I believe ... that intent is a powerful force ... that ritual is important ... that the goal is the effect of the ritual, rather than the ritual itself ... that it is vital not to allow the process to become the intent; to become dogmatic and stale ... that belief is important ... that it is equally important to examine one's beliefs ... in borrowing whatever rings true with my soul from whatever source and discarding what does not ... that love is our natural state ... that being at home in one's own skin is the starting point ... that energy is malleable, attracted to like, and limitless ... that the universe is a good place to be ... that miracles are personal ...

Stuff and Nonsense ...

Length of day: 14:20
Hours of dark: 8:25ish
Sunrise: 6:24 am
Sunset: 8:44 pm
Start of twilight: 5:46 am
End of twilight: 9:22 pm

Current weather: Mostly Clear. 16°C (60°F), humidity 44%, wind NW 9.6 km/h (6 mph.), barometer 30.12 in. Hg.

Today.. Sunny. High 19°C (66°F).
Tonight.. Clear. Low 0°C (32°F).
Thursday.. Sunny. High 18°C (64°F).
Friday.. Sunny. Low 1°C (34°F). High 18°C (64°F).
Saturday.. A mix of sun and cloud. Windy. Low 2°C (36°F). High 12°C (54°F).
Sunday.. Sunny. Low 0°C (32°F). High 11°C (52°F).
Normals for the period.. Low -1°C (30.2°F). High 12°C (54°F).

19 April 2005

Odes on Love ...

Love is trust and chance.
Trust in the understanding of the other, and chance that the trust will fail.

--Odes the Wise and Dear

17 April 2005

I see eye flower

We were at the APs for lunch today for Ma's somewhat belated birthday. Lurvly day! I have amazing nephes and neices. The eye flower bit was Rose's first sentence (long time ago), while looking into a kaleidoscope. I'm still getting over this horrid cold, so I was being very good about "No kissing!" Of course, that went to hell in a handbasket with Rose and Cassandra. They arrived somewhat groggy, having been zipped out the door right after their naps and Cassandra sat in my lap for a while, picking at beans and broccoli and 'tato salad and steak and hoovering saskatoon/apple/rhubarb crisp. Mona says to me, about the babby-smooching,

"You have to. It's what they're made of and if you don't, they start to come apart. I've seen it."

I like that. I also tried the neck of the 2nd sweater on Rose. It's way too small. Apparently I adjusted the pattern for the first sweater after I wrote it down. Poop. Now I hafta figure it out again.

Barbara and Anailese stopped by on Wednesday for a visit. I'm loving having them within walking distance! On Thursday, Ma and I went to IKEA for a couple of little things and some new shelving for my kitchen. By the time we got through wandering about finding the little stuff, we'd had enough and didn't do the shelving part. I'll get to it later, when I'm feeling more human. I'm getting there. I've started to kick the squatters out of my sinuses.

Still failing utterly at getting together with Brandon (an old friend I ran into out of the blue in January). We talk on the phone now and then while doing the dishes, but scheduling a scotch and backgammon evening has proven a bust so far. Paxton phoned this week. Let's see if I have any better luck scheduling with him. It'll be nice to see him again. It's been years! I was looking forward to seeing Patty, James and the girls tomorrow or the next day, but they're stuck in Manitoba with a dead car 'til at least Wednesday or Thursday. It's getting harder to get hold of Nina, the closer it gets to her grad (that, and she doesn't want to go to the dentist and knows it's that time).

10 April 2005

Off Switch ...

Words/phrases that, for various reasons, set off my internal "oh shut up do you even know what that means oh for crying out sideways what bullshit shut up shut up shut up" tape, and often shut off the listening part of my brain:

Due diligence*
Post nine-eleven world
Forces of evil
At the end of the day
Oprah says
Dr. Phil says
*doubly so when prefaced with "do" (it's just wrong)

We've had beautiful weather all week. It got up to 19°C (°F) one day.

Stuff and Nonsense ...

Length of day: 13:39
Hours of dark: 9:10ish
Sunrise: 6:47 am
Sunset: 8:26 pm
Start of twilight: 6:10 am
End of twilight: 9:02 pm

Current weather: Mostly Clear. 5°C (41°F), -4°C(25°F) with windchill, humidity 52%, wind W 14.4 km/h (9 mph.), barometer 30.02 in. Hg.

Today.. Sunny with cloudy periods. High 11°C (52°F).
Tonight.. Clear. Low -3°C (27°F).
Monday.. Sunny. Wind SE 30 km/h (18.6 mph). High 13°C (55°F).
Tuesday.. Sunny. Low 0°C (32°F). High 13°C (55°F).
Wednesday.. Cloudy with 60% chance of showers. Windy. Low 3°C (37°F). High 15°C (59°F).
Thursday.. A mix of sun and cloud. Low 4°C (39°F). High 9°C (48°F).
Normals for the period.. Low -3°C (27°F). High 9°C (48°F).

08 April 2005

Happy Birthday, Mom!

I'm free!

I'm finished at work. Huzzah!
It's been a lot of fun, but that travel time trapped inside my own skull for that long every day ... ouch.

And I'm happy with this layout and particularly happy with the spiffy blogger button my friend Eric made for me a bazillion years ago. I added the Atom feed thingy, too.

03 April 2005

Happy Birthday, Vince!

Happy everything, love always, dear friend.

02 April 2005

Spring Break ...

The mom of the other little girl I look after is on Spring Break this week, so she's got all three girls and I have the week off. I had last Thursday and Friday off, too. By Sunday, I felt like I'd had a break, so the rest is gravy.

The snow's almost gone in the south-facing yards again.
It's dusty and snow moldy again.
Tomorrow, we switch to Daylight Saving Time.
I saw a Harley out yesterday.
Clan Lord's April Fools' nonsense is underway (and it's a good 'un!)
... all sure signs of Spring.

Mary phoned on Tuesday morning to say that she, Cory, Ernie and Linda were meeting friends at the bowling alley right up the street from me, but I'd already left by then. Mona, Rose, Cassandra and I went to the Museum. Their day starts earlier than most older kids' days, so even during Spring Break they're heading home about the time it starts to get busy. It's great fun watching Rose and Cassandra check out their favourite bits and notice new stuff. They were disappointed that the dinosaur display was closed for cleaning (and to get a new one or two, we think), but happy that they could say hello to their dinos through the window.

The APs got home Wednesday. Yay!

This week I've washed all the batiks and blankets from the couch, vaccuumed, dust mopped and washed floors upstairs, washed walls and baseboards in the living room. emptied, cleaned, sorted, purged and reorganized the medicine cabinets, bathroom cupboards, pantry cupboard, plastic container cupboard, spice cupbord, pots and pans cupboards, recycling/catfood/booze/soft drink/empties cupboard. It's a start.

Yesterday, I went to see Barbara and Anailese's new apartment, which is in walking distance, at about 10:30. Anailese's dad, Miles, has moved to the city to live with them and look after Anailese while Barbara works. Bernie was there, too, 'cuz Chelsea was at work doing Darwin's books. We planned to visit for an hour (hahahaha! If one knows Barbara, one knows how silly a goal that is). We all took turns herding babies, Miles put together stuff as directed, Barbara and I cleaned stuff and sorted through all of Anailese's clothes that've been in storage, looking for the child safety stuff, the crib bedding, and clothes that'll fit her now. Lunch got fetched, the kids got fed. Chelsea turned up to claim her boy. Miles went off for his boys' night out. Barbara, Anailese and I went to for dinner and I got home around 10:00 p.m.

Today, the family is getting together at the APs. Tomorrow, I'll likely go over to Barbara's again. Monday, I'm back to work (and hope to hear that they've hired a replacement). Tuesday, Nina's coming over after school if all goes according to plan.

Stuff and Nonsense ...

Length of day: 13:05
Hours of dark: 9:45ish
Sunrise: 6:06 am
Sunset: 7:11 pm
Start of twilight: 5:30 am
End of twilight: 7:47 pm
Current weather: Mostly Clear. 1°C (33°F), -4°C(25°F) with windchill, humidity 80%, wind SW 14.4 km/h (9 mph.), barometer 29.78 in. Hg.

Today.. Sunny with cloudy periods. High 7°C (45°F).
Tonight.. Clear. Low -9°C (16°F).
Sunday.. Sunny. Wind becoming SE 20 km/h (12.4 mph) late in the morning. High 10°C (50°F).
Monday.. Cloudy. Low -3°C (27°F). High 14°C (57°F).
Tuesday.. Sunny. Low -2°C (28°F). High 9°C (48°F).
Wednesday.. Sunny. Low -1°C (34°F). High 12°C (54°F).
Normals for the period.. Low -5°C (23°F). High 7°C (45°F).